People who know me instantly understand the title of this blog, but others may wonder why it’s called Grief and Cigars. 

When I started this blog, I played around with a few different names, but none of them felt right.

Grief seemed like a natural component because that’s what all of us are trying to process when it comes to the loss of our kids.  The cigar came in, not just because I like cigars – although I do like cigars – instead, it’s because many times when I am thinking about my son, I am also smoking a cigar. 
Honestly, there were many nights when sitting on my back deck, thinking about my son, listening to the playlist from his funeral, and smoking a cigar were the only things keeping me sane.  I’ve always liked cigars, but on those nights, they were more like a lifeline than a hobby. 

It’s tough to think about those nights.  But every parent who has lost a child knows what they are like.  They just hurt.  So many questions have no answer. 

  • Why the fuck didn’t he call?
  • Why couldn’t I be there to help? 
  • Why the fuck is he gone?  

When your heart is hurting and your head is in that place where there are no answers, it helps to step back, take a puff, and just sit with the moment.  There isn’t a damn thing that can change the past, but smoking a cigar helps make the present a little bit more enjoyable.   

Also, I wanted a title that reflected a place where men who have lost a child could come together and feel welcome. A lot of the imagery for grief looks like like sunshine and meadows.  Just look at the books in the bookstore on the subject.  But I think that pictures of grief should also include cigars, bourbon, and slow smoked BBQ.  I think that is a more authentic picture of grief for myself and the men I know.

So that’s the reason that I decided to put cigars into the title.